What's the worst manual line you've seen.

Okay, since I was Tie Guys muse as far as inspiration I thought I would start the ball rolling. Now remember I am a blonde and female so I am sure many guys out there are thinking okay, she will have a hard time with her camcorder. These are the instructions I was dealing with, copied out of the flyer I received with the camcorder. I just wanted to use the video, but nowhere did it say can't use USB:

CONNECTIONS (WINDOWS)
Connecting using the USB cable
Connect the USB cable to copy still image and video in the memory card to the pc.
1) Make sure all units are off before making connections.
2)Use USB cable to connect camcorder to the PC.
That was it. Never did anything say how EASY it ended up being by just connecting IEEE-1394 and it brought up my movie player software. I may not have the worst manual, but when you are dealing with someone who has never used these type of camcorder, I am a digital still camera person. They sent software you MUST ADD, which ended up for stills only and the JVC tech said the instructions are "Mostly for still photos" Still photos? I bought a C-A-M-C-O-R-D-E-R. I have a regular digital.

Okay, thats my soap box. Chow guys! Tal

Maintenence on this thread was performed on 7/29/05

Great thread Tie Guy, I hope we get some funny ones. I've got my nose buried in manuals all the time helping out the members in the forums. I'll post any of the weird ones that I find.

I found this one in a manual for an LG VX6100 phone while I was helping a member figure out voice dialing.

To Voice Dial a Name From Your Contacts List
1. Flip open the phone, then press the Voice Commands Key.
2. When prompted, say "Contacts".
3. When prompted again, say a name from your Contacts list.
4. When asked to confirm, say "Yes". The phone dials the first
number listed for that Contact entry.

NOTE: You should select the phone label, if the phone are stored more than two."

Doesn't look like that one was translated very well... It was one of the only places in the manual that the term "phone label" was used.

I recently had a controller board on my less-than-one-year-old WaterBoss 700 water softner go dead. WaterBoss replaced the board, and asked if I was using a salt with an iron cleaning agent. I affirmed their question, as I've been using Morton Rust Remover Super Pellens salt since I bought it. They blamed the failure on using a salt with an iron cleaning agent, and to refrain from using it in the future.

Confused (partically because I don't exactly see how what salt I used could cause a board to fail), I decided to break out the user manual for my water softner. On page 14, it reads:

"The use of salt with an iron cleaning agent or iron out cleaner is recommended for continuous use as a preventitive measure against iron fouling of the resin bed."

If this really did break the water softner, why do they recommend it in the manual?

The worst manual I've ever seen was for a Pokemon (Pikachu) VCR. I couldn't belive it existed, the VCR itself didn't even sell for $20 brand new. I opened it up and it was just schematics for the main pcb, nothing else!

I recently bought a Penholder with a clock. Here are the instructions for setting the clock that came with it. I think this should qualify for the worst set of instructions and the worst translation ever. I copied the whole manual and can send the scan to anyone interested:

PENHOLDER & CLOCK INSTRUCTION

1. Normal time mode: Time, Date (year 2000 – year 2099), week, 12/24 hours format.

2. Alarm mode: Daily alarm & snooze function setting and different music choice.

3. Timer mode: The timer mode can establish anti faces to account, account the scope of the hour 23:59:59 – 00:00:00 hours. 4. Temperature mode: Choose display showing of Celsius and Fahrenheit, setting range between 0 °C– 50 °C (32 °F – 122 °F), mini-accuracy is 0.5 °C.

Function operation: Press a key to show the normal time, and connect again out to insulate the slice.

1. Normal time mode: While opening the machine, the normal time shows to 12:0 Time establishes In the normal appearance, press “ƒú” the key enters 12 Hrs/ an appearance, press the key of SET into time, date establishes, and below the row order establishes respectively hour, minute, year, month, day etc., pass the UP/DOWN key match to complete its establish.

• Set up the scope: Year is 2000 – 2099, month is 1 – 12, day is 1 – 31, hour is 1 – 12 or 0 – 23, minute is 0 – 59.

• Establishes at the same time in the date, the week (from MON to SUN) the ground of cowgirl is automatic to change.

• At establish appearance, if have no a minute in key to then withdraws to establish automatically, combine the current in manifestation establishes a time, date, 12/24 mode conversion: In the normal appearance, press “ƒú” the key can enter a 12 Hrs/24 Hrs system conversion mode, passing the key of ĖĘ proceed the modification.

2. Alarm clock with love to sleep mode In the normal appearance, press “ƒú” key two or direct press “ƒs” the key enters to make the bell mode. The alarm clock establishes In the alarm clock mode, press the key of SET in to make the bell establishes, and below the row order establishes respectively hour, minute, music, pass the ĖĘ key match to complete its establish. If open to make the bell only, but did not open love to sleep, then be to make the bell arrive enactment time, ring to make a minute. Keyed to stop arbitrarily ring make. If have opened love to sleep, then make every 3 minutes ring, every a minute, ring totally for 4 times.

• At love to sleep ring to make, keyed to stop ringing to make arbitrarily, but the love to sleep marking still gleams, keeping to 4 times ring make the be over or is canceled.

• At not love to sleep ring to make, press “ƒú” the key cancels this love to sleep function; (namely the marking stop the flicker) But press the key of Ė to then close the love to sleep marking.

• When make bell and love to sleep markings to open all and not, making the bell to close with love to sleeply at the same time. Only have at make the bell marking open, the love to sleep function just is valid.

3. The birthday reminds the mood. In the normal appearance, press “ƒú” the key can enter the birthday reminds the mode. The birthday reminds to establish. Remind the appearance in the birthday, press the key of SET into the date with establishes horaryly, pass the key of ĖĘ be matched with to complete its establishes, and below the row order establishes respectively:

• When time that birthday establishes when reminding arrives, broadcasting 5 minutes in song in birthday to bless birthday HAPPY!

• At establish appearance, if have no a minute in key to then withdraws to establish automatically, combine manifestation current a time, date for establishing.

4. Timer mode: In the normal appearance, press “Š” the key can enter the timer mode. The timer establishes. In the timer appearance, presses the key of SET in to establish, and below the row order establishes respectively hour, minute, pass the ‚ key match to complete its establish.

• Set up the scope: The hour is 0-23, minute 0-59.,

• The beginning accounts the hour: At position number that show the “DATA” from 00 change into 59 circulations are gradually decrease, current a minute for setting up the number gradually decrease open to start, the same a number for setting up gradually decrease also start.

• When account arrive 0:00:00 hours will ring to make to hint a minute, if front is in the appearance of TIMER, ringing to make at the same time to hold act last manifestation of 0:00:00 will gleam without intermission.

• At establish appearance, if have no a minute in key to then withdraws to establish automatically, combine the beginning accounts the hour.

5. Temperature mode Current environmental temperature in manifestation, in the normal appearance, the key of SET that press conversion proceeds Celsius /Fahrenheit.

6. Music listening mode In the normal appearance, pressing the key of ‚ can open or close the music. When the music opens, can circulate to broadcast 7 different pop musics.

Abunadir,  your not kidding! im looking at what you wrote scratched my head and said out loud UUHH?   I have seen tons of mis- interpitations with Japanese service manuals in the past.  I understand that their languge is pretty hard sometimes to translate to english.

Great post Abunadir!

I swear I laughed harder and harder with each line, I think people nearby thought I was crazy.

"current a minute for setting up
the number gradually decrease open to start, the same a number for
setting up gradually decrease also start."

Try and say that five times really fast. It's impossible.

Can anybody tell me what is 'cowgirl' in Chinese?

"Establishes at the same time in the date, the week (from MON to SUN) the ground of cowgirl is automatic to change".

that has to be the funniest thing I ever heard

I am glad I became a member because I havent laughed for 20 min. strait in a long time